Gadini / Pixabay
Want to Take Control?
Are you a pawn in someone else’s game?
Who is choosing your next move?
Which of these is true of your life?
- Someone else’s behaviour has upset you and ruined your day
- Your children have made you cross because their room is a mess.
- Your wife turned off the alarm and that made you late.
- Your boss behaves in a way that you find incredibly frustrating.
- You feel powerless
- You are not in control of your own life.
Could this be true?
- You chose to get upset.
- You can choose not to be affected by others behaviours.
- This would be empowering.
- This would give you control.
- Nobody else is responsible for your emotional reactions – you are accountable for how you feel!”
Tough one this.
We struggled to get our heads around this when we first encountered it.
But just think about this…
Someone is shouting into the faces of you and your friends. One of you could be very upset and intimidated by this. Another could get very angry themselves. Someone else could find it ridiculous and funny.
So was the shouty person RESPONSIBLE for each of your reactions?
Or are these reactions YOURS. From how you have lived your life. From the experiences you have had. You may not be able to change all of those reactions. But knowing your limitations is the key to personal empowerment.
Instead of blaming others – accept your reactions. They are you and yours. This will make you feel so much more powerful and in control.
Learning to take full responsibility for our actions and reactions also provides us with an opportunity to change or develop or accept and embrace.
Our stories:
Jenny: “I was inspired to consider these ideas after reading “The Chimp Paradox” on holiday last year. This book made so much sense to me and encouraged me to change the way I viewed my own behaviour. One thing in particular was that I accepted that I am someone who cries and gets emotional in a fraught situation. I decided then that where I could, I would not shout back. I would try not to lose my temper. I could try and let things go. I should try and prevent a situation from escalating to the point where I would cry. Since embracing this idea, I have found that I am happier, more settled and I have less arguments. I am not always saying to others – I can’t believe you upset me like that. Also if I do end up crying – I don’t spend hours afterwards feeling cross with someone else, for MAKING me cry. I accept that this is just who I am. This is what happens to me. I feel so much more in control of my life as a result.”
Sara: “Learning to accept and take responsibility for my actions and reactions has left me feeling powerful and far less intimidated. It hasn’t been easy. It has taken some difficult soul searching and a fair amount of apologising. It has been something that needs practice and perseverance, but ultimately taking responsibility for how I feel has created an opportunity to develop and grow. Knowing that no one is to BLAME for the way a situation leave me feeling, put all the power back into my hands – right where it should be. Why on earth would I give that power to anyone else. There are times when it is very difficult. There are times when I know I would not be in a situation if it was not for another persons behaviour. But I will always in that situation ask myself – what could I have done differently, in order to give myself a bit of control back.”
WHY?
If we get stuck in that loop of blaming others for our reactions. If we are always looking outside of ourselves for someone else to take responsibility. We deny ourselves power and control. We are also denying ourselves the opportunity to understand our strengths, weaknesses and limits. Thus losing the chance to grow and to change. To develop our strength, confidence and self esteem.
Nemo / Pixabay
Build your confidence and self esteem.
The reason it is such a powerful tool to use. The reason it helps you to grow your confidence and self esteem is because if you are taking responsibility for the bad stuff, for your negative reactions. Then you can take responsibility for the joys in your life. You can pat yourself on the back for each time you take control. You can recognise your own power and relish and enjoy your successes.
It will not be easy. It will take determination and perseverance. You will not always manage it. But it will be worth it.
Just after we wrote this article, this tune came on the radio. It seemed appropriate – have a listen:
Wilson Phillips – Hold on.